Box Of Jox

Only in America……can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

We use the word ‘politics’ to
describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning bloodsucking creatures’.

Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight

“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” — Yogi Berra

“What am I doing in New Jersey?” — George Carlin

Actual Headline: Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.

Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don’t believe a thing he tells you.

Fundamentalism: “Fund” = give money and “amentalism” = mindlessness

College is not the place to go for ideas.

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

We just adopted a baby. We wanted a highway, but it was too much red tape.

If I’d wanted your opinion I wouldn’t have used two layers of duct tape.

Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.

Basic research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing. – Wernher Von Braun.

If you don’t understand why they call it high fashion, just look at the prices.

I’m having awful car trouble. The car won’t start and the payments won’t stop.

The reason it’s so hard to teach dogs to dance is because they have two left feet.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

“A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat anything that can have children.” — David Brenner

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, tension mounted… and rode off.

That idiot has…A photographic memory but the lens cover glued on.

Some is good, more is better, too much is almost enough.

When in doubt, don’t bother.

Confusion creates jobs.

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Early to bed and early to rise makes people suspicious.

I’m so overextended financially….my credit cards need jumper cables.